Lean Not on Your Own Understanding

OK, so I just had a revelation that I need to share. Perhaps I am the last one to get this, the last horse out of the gates if you will, but something just made sense to me that hadn't before, and I just had a new appreciation for a verse that I have known for years.

The verse is the famous "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5).

Now I've had this (and its following) verse memorized for years and have recited it ad infinitum. I've heard sermons on it, read books about it and written about it before. But it wasn't until just a few minutes ago that I truly understood a part of it that never made sense to me.

The first part of that verse is pretty self-explanatory. "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart." Although easy to understand, it is hard to do. I, myself, have tried over and over again to "trust with all my heart" but have failed miserably. I think now I realized why.

They key to that verse is in the second part--the part that when I recite it I have always kind of glossed over and never made much sense. Until now.

Whenever I try to "trust God with all my heart" I tend to get stuck on one thing. For a person like me who is (for the most part) pretty logical, a lot of times when I think about what God wants me to do I often get stopped at "it doesn't make sense." Why would God ask me to do something like that? Why me? Why now? Why in this way? Path A is so much easier--why does He insist I keep on going down Path B?

To put it in very real terms for me: working a few more years makes a ton more sense. I get paid a lot more, have a secure "nest egg" for when I do eventually go to seminary school, I get more "real world" experience, I appease those around me, I could live comfortably and safely and securely, etc. etc. etc. It is logical. If I were in court I could argue a firm case for why I should work more. And no jury would disagree. All that parts just add up.

So why, then, do I constantly feel as though that isn't in God's plan? Why when I try to trust him am I constantly getting back the sense that He wants me to start His ministry right away and not work in the corporate world more?

It is because of what God tells us in that verse. Part of trusting in God with all of your heart means that you "lean not on your own understanding." Put another way, you do things that don't make sense--or seem logical--to you. But that's the point! The key to trust in God is sometimes to put away logic, reasoning and rationale and to do what God wants you to do.

I have always been hung up on trusting in God because it is when I start to do that that my logic kicks in. I list in my mind the pros and cons of each major decision I have to make. And what I have found is more often than not "God's Will" is listed on the losing side of my choice. But it is in what "column" God goes in that is the only one that matters.

God calls us to do things that might not make sense. When God was leading the Israelites out of Egypt, instead of taking them by way of Philistine country, which was shorter on their way to Israel and frankly made more sense, He instead took them to the Red Sea. Yep, you heard me. God said that in order to get to New York from California he doesn't want you driving East. Instead, he wants you to get in your car and head West. Never mind the fact that there is an Ocean in front of you. You head West and let God take care of the rest.

It didn't make sense. It was illogical. But we are dealing with the Creator of the Universe here. And so they followed. They didn't lean on their own understanding--they didn't do what made sense. They trusted God. And what did God do? He parted the sea! He turned your car into a boat! The Israelites trusted God and He showed them wonders unlike any other and protected them from a band of chasing Egyptians.

And we are called to do much of the same.

God right now is calling me in a direction that doesn't make sense. If I add up all of the pieces, I'll end up a dollar (or a couple of hundred thousand dollars) short if I go to seminary school next year. Almost all of the advice I have gotten up until now has been to work longer. And it's a good argument that makes a lot of sense.

But it just doesn't feel right. It seems as though God is leading me in another direction. It doesn't make sense and to be honest I don't know right now if I have enough faith to carry through with it.

But if I am serious about trusting God, then I have just realized that I might just need to trade the logical for the illogical...and see the impossible come true.

"Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

Surrendering

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. ~Luke 9:23

If I had to be honest about my struggles right now, that verse is at the center of it. More than anything else right now I am having a hard time surrendering. I am struggling with giving it all up and over to God...With realizing that it is not me, but Christ, that matters most, and letting go of my will, of my ambitions, hopes, dreams and desires...Dropping everything for the sake of Christ.

I have had a tremendous growth in faith in the past 9 months. But right now I am stalled. God has taught me so much since the beginning of this year. He has taught me so much about Himself. He has revealed to me so many truths about His love, His grace, His mercy and His awesome, AWESOME power. He has showed me everything that a life of leaning on Him is capable of.

But now He has turned it back to me. After revealing so much of Himself to me and teaching me so much about who He is, He has, I feel, essentially said, "OK, Chris. Now it's your turn. I've taught you what I want to teach you. And I'm not going to teach you anymore--for a while, at least--until you take that next step. Show Me what you've learned."

And that next step is not simply reading more of the Bible or praying more. It's not a passive relationship with Jesus. It's not just going to church and listening to Christian music. The next step, I feel, is beginning to lean on Him. It's starting the process of surrendering--of truly denying myself and giving it over to Him. Of releasing my grip on my life and my will and giving it over to God.

There has always existed in me a dichotomy. I struggle between the desire to gain the acceptance of man--to be everything to all people, to be well liked and accepted among my peers--and the desire to give it all over to God. Over most of my life, I have found that the desire to be accepted by man has won out over the desire to please God. Although there have been times when I have began the process of surrendering, I always stop myself right before I truly do that. I, myself, start to get scared when I realize that I am losing control over my own desires for Christ's. And so I stop myself, and begin to follow man again.

And thus I have never truly surrendered. I have always followed the will of Chris and never the will of Christ. I have come close, but never given it all over. God still loves me, and still will continue to, even if I spend my whole life following the will of Chris.

But that ultimately leads to an empty life, a purpose-less existence. God has far greater things plan for me. To truly give into Him, He will lead me to do things that I myself could never dream of.

But it is taking that step that frightens me...

Surrendering. Denying self. Truly giving up everything for Jesus.

Taking up my cross. Risking humiliation. Risking persecution. Risking life.

I know that when I do that, falling into Christ will be an awesome experience. I know that. I know deep in my heart it will be the most exhilarating ride. It will be exhausting. It will be difficult. It will not be without heartache, heartbreak and tears.

But being caught by Christ--the joy! Falling into the arms of the Creator! What wonderful things He will show me then! Everything I have gone through in the past 9 months will pale in comparison to what He will reveal to me when I step out into nothing with only He to catch me.

And I know that if I take that first step, the next one will be easier. And the one after that even more so. And each one will bring with it quite possibly more sorrow, and more tears, but an infinitely deeper understanding of the Maker and, ultimately, infinitely more joy.

In short, it will be awesome.

But it begins with that first step. It begins with surrendering.

To surrender self, to give it all
Is to live the life that Got has planned
To step out in faith and truly fall
Is to land in His outstretched hand