Rethinking Sin

The author of Hebrews writes that, "We do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in all points like as we are, yet without sin" (Hebrews 4:15). In 2 Corinthians, Paul says that "God made him who had no sin to be [a] sin [offering] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21).

The belief that Jesus was without sin is a necessary belief of the Christian faith. If Christ sinned while on earth, He couldn't be the blameless sacrificial lamb that humankind needed to atone for our sins. If He committed even one sin in his life then my faith is without reason. I am not guaranteed salvation for accepting him as my savior.

Yet for as long as I can remember, there are a few stories in Jesus' life that I have struggled to fit within this belief--by all accounts they appear to be sinful actions that Christ committed.

In fact, even a casual study of the gospels does not show a savior that is a perfect picture of what we think as the typical way a Christian should act. Christ seemed to rebel against society. He angered many by his words and actions. He was not the poster child for a church-going conservative. As one commentator noted, "he was no James Dobson."

There are two incidents in particular that I've had a hard time with. The first is recounted in Luke 2, when Jesus is twelve years old and stays behind in Jerusalem after Passover while His parents continue on to Nazareth to go back home. His parents realized a day after traveling that He was not with them. They went back to Jerusalem and searched three days for Jesus before they found Him in the temple. When asked where He had been, Jesus replied, "Didn't you know I'd be in my Father's house?" (Luke 2:49).

I know one thing: if I had pulled that on my parents, it would have been a sin. I would have disobeyed the "honor thy father and mother" commandment, and would have felt guilty about it for days. So does that mean the young Jesus committed a sin?

Or how about when Jesus was in the temple (Matthew 21)? After his triumphal entry into Jerusalem, Jesus went to the temple and "drove out all who were buying and selling there." That's not so bad, you say? Well listen to what our Savior did next: "He overturned the tables of the money changes and benches of those selling doves" (Matthew 21:12).

Destroying property, vandalism, disturbing the peace--that surely is sinful, isn't it?

I did some of my own research on this, and found answers that were wholly unsatisfactory. They were adequate, but only worked to come up with a lame excuse why Jesus was able to do this. One argued, for example, that Jesus was absent-minded, and didn't realize His parents were heading to Nazareth and that is why He stayed around in Jerusalem. An absent-minded messiah? I hope not.

No matter how you look at it, these actions of Christ do not fit within the mainstream church's view of what is sinful and not. You can come up with cute little ways with how we can justify them, but in the end those are merely unsatisfying excuses meant as a way for the "absent-minded" believer to sit back and go, "OK, that sort of makes sense. I guess so." I can't, however, swallow them. Does that mean then that my faith is all for naught? That I should just give it up?

I can't do that. I have been a first hand witness to the power of Christ in my own life. I know how He has transformed the lives of me and those around me. In fact, it would take more faith for me not to believe in Christ. And so I must seek another answer. And I think I have found one that is really revolutionary for my own faith, and has caused me to rethink what sin really is.

For years sermons have been taught on the verse that says that "God is love" (I John 4:16). Almost invariably when a speaker speaks on this, he stops the audience and causes them to really think about the verse. Modern-day society has a very perverted idea of what "love" is, influenced by a mainstream media that has it all wrong. When we think of our definition of love, and then think that God is supposed to represent that, we come away with a very deficient view of God.

What we are often told by the minister, however, is that we can't define God by our view of love. Instead, we must put together everything that we know about God, and define love as that. God defines love, not vice versa. Love is characterized by God. Once we see it that way, we come away with a better understanding of what love is supposed to be.

In the same way, when I think about sin, I can't think about sin as the way that the world (or even the church) defines it. If I believe that Christ is the messiah, and I believe that the messiah was without sin, that I have to define sin as being anything that is apart from Christ--anything that Christ wouldn't do. And anything that Christ did, I have to view as not sinful.

Thinking about sin that way necessarily transforms how we think about it. The modern-day definition of sin is a series of "do's" and "don'ts" of "wills" and "won'ts." Basically, if I go throughout the day and serve as a "model citizen," avoid cussing, disturbing peace, getting drunk, looking lustfully at women, stealing, cheating, etc. then I have "avoided" sin for that day.

I don't think that God, however, views sin as such. I'm not convinced that He has a master set of rules and regulations, and puts a check mark next to every single "violation" that we have committed. I don't think it's as black and white as that.

Christ says to us that "whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother" (Matthew 12:50). In fact that is why Christ came to earth: "For I have not come down from Heaven to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me" (John 6:38). Not sinning, therefore, and being like Christ, is to do the will of God. Sinning is to do anything apart from that.

This, of course, leaves room for much in terms of "grey areas" of sin. It is as not cut and dry as sin is usually thought of and, in fact, as we humans like. We like lists. We like to know the 5 or 10 things we should or shouldn't do. And in fact, I don't think it's wrong to help out a new Christian by telling him the things that he should or shouldn't do. An immature Christian might not realize that certain things take him away from God or are against God's will and might have bad habits from his previous life that need to be stopped.

But as one becomes more mature in the walk, I believe there is more freedom allowed in the Christian life. Isn't that one of the reason Christ came? To free us from the law?

Paul himself makes reference to this in Romans.

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall. ~ Romans 14:13-21

We are called, therefore, to act and behave in a way that does God's will and helps others find out about Christ. This will be different for each of us. For some, drinking will be sinful as it causes one to fall away from the Lord or others to think less of the Christian--and thus less of God. For others, drinking will be completely acceptable and it is not outside of God's will to enjoy a glass of wine.

When we are able to view sin as not a series of lists, then, but a way of living that is apart from God, we are able to look again at the actions of Christ in a new light. And we are able to clearly see how they are not sinful, but instead are the actions of someone fulfilling God's will.

So why did Jesus seemingly disobey his parents and stay behind in a temple? The easy answer is because God wanted him to. Perhaps He saw it as a way to allow Jesus to learn more about Him. Perhaps He wanted Mary and Joseph to understand who Jesus belonged to--that He was a child of God, and not earthly parents. Maybe he wanted Jesus to be able to witness to the Pharisees in the temple. Maybe Jesus was going to catch a cold on the way to Nazareth if He left when His parents did. (OK, that last one was far-fetched, but you get what I mean.) The point was Jesus was so in tune with the will of His Father that God asked Jesus to stay back--and He did.

Now His parents didn't understand that, and the Bible tells us so. They were not as in tune with God, and maybe just didn't "get it." And that leads us to the most telling part of the incident. After Jesus realized that his parents truly didn't not understand what Jesus was doing, Jesus "went down to Nazareth and was obedient to them" (Luke 2:51)! After He saw that His actions did not, perhaps, have the desired affect on his parents--that they saw it as being disobedient when perhaps Jesus had hoped they would have a different reaction--He went back and did what He was told. In order to better serve His God, Jesus realized at that time that He had to serve His parents. They were not as mature in their faith as He would have hoped. And so Jesus obliged.

Most modern day twelve-year olds couldn't get away with what Jesus did. For most of them, to stay back while their parents were leaving would be dishonoring "thy father and mother." Most modern-day twelve year olds also are not the messiah. But there is a real-life application for this. As we grow older and more mature, there may be times when disobeying our parents is in the will of God for us. Perhaps our parents want us to be a certain profession, and we feel strongly that God is calling us in another direction. What are we to do in that case? Are we to wait until they "pass on" to pursue God's will for our life? I would hope not! Instead, in these instances, we might have to disobey our parents to follow God's will. That doesn't mean we have to dishonor them and go about God's will disrespectfully. But it does mean that God's will has to take precedence over theirs. Jesus, being God, was just able to learn that at a younger time in His life than most of us.

In the temple incident later in His life, Jesus knew that the way to reach the people who were defiling it by their merchandising--and make a stand for what is right--He had to react as He did. Being God, He knew that "civil disobedience" wasn't going to work in this instance. What these people were doing was abhorrent in the eyes of His father. And the way to have the maximum impact and, indeed, to do God's will, was to root out evil when and where He saw it.

In fact, I see these actions as proof that Jesus was the Son of God. God loathes the defiling of what is Holy. And if Jesus hadn't overturned these tables, God would have sent a storm that would have. Remember, the same God who wiped out Sodom and Gomorrah is the same God that was present in Christ. And where no one faults God for doing what He did in Sodom, no one should fault Jesus for detesting what the merchants were doing to the temple.

What does that mean, then? Is there room in the Christian life for anger, for behavior such as this? Normally, not. But I believe Jesus shows us that in the right circumstance that there is. Sometimes God calls His people to stand up in a dramatic way for what is right. There is room for name-calling (as Jesus did when he called the Pharisees hypocrites) and destruction, provided that it is done with the right intent, in the right frame of mind, with God's blessing, against such detestable acts as what was going on in the temple and in the hearts of the Pharisees.

Thus, I have now come to believe that to do God's will sometimes requires behavior that other people might not "approve" of--or that they even might find as "sinful"--provided that the Holy Spirit is calling us to do it.

But that comes with a huge warning. The discernment of knowing whether such a call is truly from the Holy Spirit is reserved for only the most mature of Christians. And under normal circumstances, no Christian should believe that they are being called to "sin." And, in fact, I think anything that the Bible clearly spells out as sins are always forbidden.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. ~ Galatians 5:19-21

I, and most people I know, could not do what Jesus did without committing a sin. The rest of the world has a standard by which Christians are supposed to behave, and I believe that it is our obligation as Christians to follow that standard. That is what we are called to do. After all, "It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall." To not uphold what the world thinks as acceptable Christian behavior causes others to stumble and therefore is sinful.

But I also believe that as we mature in our Christian walk we will come upon times with which there is no clear verse in the Bible as to what to do. There might come a point where we have to choose between honoring our parents and honoring God. Or we might be faced with such deplorable disrespect of God that turning the other cheek will do less for His Kingdom than calling out those people for their detestable behavior. In those times, no decision should be made without much prayer and study. And if after all of that we still come to the conclusion that God is calling us to take a particular step in one direction or another, we must be willing to follow God's will no matter what the cost.

It is His will that we do that. To do anything less would be a sin.

Found by You

by Across the Sky

I've been looking for some answers here
Searching harder for a new way there
I'm still walking all alone
And I don't think I'll make it home, but...
There is something that I know for sure

You brought me out here on my own
To find my way through things unknown
I know that I can't make it without You
When days are long and skies are grey
I'll walk with You, You lead the way
Some say that I am lost, but that's not true
'Cause really I am found by You

Things they seem a little clearer now (seem so clear)
Found the right direction here somehow (right direction here)
Fear is gone and trust is new
So, I don't care what others do
I will give up anything I have

You brought me out here on my own
To find my way through things unknown
I know that I can't make it without You
When days are long and skies are grey
I'll walk with You, You lead the way
Some say that I am lost, but that's not true
'Cause really I am found by You

Sometimes I can't feel (feel You near)
Is this life for real? I need to know
I'm running out of hope
I'm running out of time
I need You to remind me of Your love

You brought me out here on my own
To find my way through things unknown
I know that I can't make it without You
When days are long and skies are grey
I'll walk with You, You lead the way
Some say that I am lost, but that's not true
'Cause really I am found by You

-----
I think that sums it up pretty well. - cdw

The Jesus Movement

I haven't had much to do recently, and so I started searching the internet a bit. After looking up the history of butter and learning all there is to know about Guy Hawkes, I started looking at church websites, another hobby of mine. After going to the usual church sites I frequent (to read various church bulletins and what-not) I stumbled across Calvary Chapel's website and started to read about the late 1960's / early 1970's "Jesus Movement."

In case you don't know, the "Jesus Movement" was movement that started in Southern California and spread across the United States that was a bit of a "revival," reaching out to younger people in the hippie and drug culture that was starting to permeate Orange County. Led by Chuck Smith and then others, the couple-year movement gained national media attention and really was the start of the modern-day "megachurch."

In my brief study, I realized that the "Jesus Movement" was not without its flaws and flawed people, and that some of it bordered on the Pentecostal and Charismatic which I do not agree with. But it helped change the face of Christianity, and many of the generation of my parents came to Christ as the result of the direct or indirect infleunce of this movement.

That started me thinking about how my desire to desparately "Jesus Movement" in this generation. That led me to ask myself, "what would a Jesus Movement now look like?" The answer, at least from perspective, is very complex.

In the 1960's and 70's, counter-culture was all the rage. Young people were lashing out against the government, against their parents, against the so-called "establishment." All of these groups, they felt, had done nothing but lie to them. They had left them in a world that was in chaos, admist war and uncertainty. The ways of their parents had obviously failed, and they were seeking anything that would provide them with the truth.

The modern-day youth generation, however, is drastically different, at least in appearance, from that group of "lost" people. I can only speak from personal experience, but my generation doesn't hold the same grudge against our parents that others have. For the most part, we get along with them, admire and respect their accomplishments, and in many ways aspire to provide for our kids the same quality of life that our parents provided for us.

We, for the most part, are spoiled. Since day one, we have been given everything that we have ever wanted or could ask for. We have been raised in affluence and have embraced it. We dress in expensive clothes, drive expensive cars, and buy expensive things. We are a consumer society bent on always looking good and feeling good. We are pampered, constantly told how gifted we are, and afforded all of the luxuries we want. We abhor feeling left-out and outcast, and do whatever we can to "fit in" with society. We are used to "having it all" and work hard to maintain that.

What is the most surprising about my generation, I feel, is the fact that most of us have been raised with and have been accepting of a particular faith. Many of us have been raised in the church and born to believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and everything else. We have gone to church most Sundays for our entire life, and, in fact, remember those times fondly--if not even yearning for a return to those times.

We actually are a generation of believers. Although many leave the "church life" when we get to college, we still attend--often without fuss or fight--when we're back at home on a weekend. And we're not really that against going on a Sunday if a friend invites us. Many, still, even go to church on a semi-regular basis in college, it being an accepted start to the week. We attend Bible studies during the week, and keep the Bible as a book in our collection. And if someone mocks Christianity in a conversational setting, we often times come to its rescue, if only with a "hey, man, that's not very cool."

But our Christianity is not the one of old. We have adopted a new brand of Christianity that is best described as "consumer Christianity." It is Christianity via Madison Avenue rather than Jersalem. Christianity with a Prada purse--or with a Jack and Coke.

We champion--and know by heart--the promises of the Bible. The promises of salvation, of forgiveness from sins, of freedom from worry are all ones that we quote, well, religiously. Christianity is a convenient thing that "fits" into our lifestyle. For a generation that has been raised with schedules, with planned activity after planned activity, Christianity fits neatly on a Sunday morning, or, if we're super religious, a Wednesday night, too.

If anybody asks us, we're saved, no doubt. "But," and this is the key, "but we still have a long way to go."

My generation is a generation that wants it all, and we have constructed for ourselves a faith that grants us that. It is a faith of forgiveness without the repentance. It is, as one of my friends says tongue-and-cheek, a faith that prays "Forgive me, Father, for I will sin." Gone is the faith that requires a radical change in lifestyle, or giving it all and following Christ, and instead we have a faith that ensures us salvation while allowing us to carry out our own desires and ambitions.

And so we get drunk on a Saturday and appear in church on a Sunday. We engage in lewd acts of premarital sex on Friday night that we feel bad about Saturday morning. We promise to "change" and to "refocus" on what is important every Sunday night before the week starts--and then surround ourselves with--and even seek out--temptation on Thursday. And we bring a beer to the Wednesday night Bible study so we can get started on our partying early.

Mine is a generation that has lost its way without knowing it--and is in danger of never finding it again.

Now I need to say that by no means am I judging my generation as a generation that is unsaved. I do not and I have no right to question the salvation of anybody who says that they have received Christ as their savior. I believe firmly that if you "confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you shall be saved" (Romans 10:9). And I always take people at face value--and if they said that they have received Christ, then I have no reason to doubt that they have.

But I cannot imagine that the lives that many out of my generation are living is the life that Jesus intended. I cannot believe that this is what he had in mind when he said "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24). And thus my generation desparately needs its own "Jesus Movement."

But again, what would that look like?

I believe, like any revival movement, that the new "Jesus Movement" would start with a revival of the heart. I think many have turned away from the Christianity that Jesus has in mind because we never truly have witnessed what that's like. We have received everything that we ever wanted from our parents. We have never been in want. And as long as we're able to keep on feeding our desires with the latest and greatest, we never even get a chance to realize that the one thing we really are missing, that which will truly satisfy us, is Christ and Christ alone. Having never been in want, we don't know how needy we really are, and any of the "holes" we really do have, we cram our own customized faith in there to give our life meaning--cramming Christ in the corners, if you will. We fool ourselves, therefore, into thinking that we are truly "Purpose Driven"--without ever being "Spirit Led." And the first cannot occur without the second.

A "Jesus Movement," then would have to be different from those in the past. It wouldn't take the form of traditional evangelistic meetings, with an "altar call" at the end of the meeting. My generation won't respond to that--we've already all done that. It would have to begin in the Church, but a radically changed church. Sermons today are too easy for the current "consumer" Christian to attend church without being changed. They are focused on feel-good "universal" messages that anyone can relate to. "Want to have a better marriage? Well, be nicer to your wife. Spend time with her. If you're a Christian, that's a plus. But no matter what, do these five things and stuff will be better."

Instead, churches would need to refocus on Christ. On who He is, on what He did, and what He still does for one's life. It would have to realistically deal with the struggles of a Christian life, Christ's suffering, and our suffering as a result of being a Christian. And it would have to deal with the hard sayings of Christianity--the ones we tend to gloss over in the modern day faith, such as denying oneself, taking up the cross, and deciding to leave everything behind to follow Christ. Church would have to be reformed and resist becoming the comfortable houses of affirmation that they currently are. Sin will need to be discussed frankly and truthfully, and the punishment of sin openly and honestly.

In the end, Church will have to refocus on what its aim should be all along--to form true disciples of Christ rather than passive observers of His ministry.

This will ultimately require the modern-day Christian to make a choice every Sunday--am I serving Christ or am I persecuting Him? Am I hammering home His truths in my life--or am I hammering another nail into the cross? In other words, am I cultivating a deeper relationship with him?

One thing I know about my generation is that it is one of fitting in. And if the most influential of my generation start truly giving their lives to the Lord, then this whole revival will spread like wildfire. If the trendsetters of an organization start setting a trend for Christ, a whole organization will be transformed. And if people are truly turned on to the power of the transformation of Jesus, there is no stopping where it will lead.

My generation is a gifted one, one that God has blessed with many talents. All we need is a spark to get started. Let us start reforming our churches, refocusing our ministries, and repurposing our message to glorify the One who is owed all the glory. Let us all make our decision for Christ, first, and cause others to rethink theirs. Let us be the salt of the earth and the light of the world.

Let us move for Jesus--and let the Jesus Movement begin.

One Year

What a year.

One year ago today--July 19, 2004--I was sitting in an auditorium in New York being "Welcome-ed" to my company. I was bright-eyed, for the most part well rested, and eager to begin this new career and this new phase in my life.

For the year leading up to that day, I had become lazy. Really lazy. In college, the constant rush and speed of my first few years had grown to a sense of complacency and restlessness. Granted, I was having a great time, but I was bored. I realized that I didn't need to work as hard as I was working and could still maintain great grades (although I still probably worked more than most) and that I could do a marginal job in the extracurricular activities that I was in and still get credit for them with minimal effort. I had really adopted the "frat guy" attitude and personality, and realized that as my college time was so limited I needed to really begin enjoying it.

A lot of things therefore suffered that last year of college. My drive and motivation became very minimal. My work ethic was shot. And most importantly my faith--which had sustained me and set me apart from the group my freshman year of college--waned. I was still going to church every Sunday and, heck, I even help to start a small Bible study in my fraternity, but my like most things in my life I had grown complacent in it and was content to be an observer in my faith rather than an active participant.

I knew from the beginning that my job was going to be tough. I knew that it was going to shake me out of my laziness in terms of my drive, motivation, and work ethic and require me to really snap back into my freshman year of college mode where I was so eager and tying to make a name for myself. I knew it would entail long hours and some sleepless nights. I knew all that.

What I didn't know, however, was the profound effect it would have on my faith.

I can never begin to know God's will. As hard as I try, it will probably not make a lot of sense to me. I can suppose what God wanted me to do. I felt at the end of college he was telling me to go to seminary school right away. I still think that might have been the case--but am not convinced. And as I reflect more and more on this past year and what I have learned from it, I have become less and less sure that God really didn't want me here all along.

This has been the hardest year of my life. It's been hard for a vast majority of reasons. But for the first time in my life I have done something that isn't easy. School was always easy. Sure, I stressed out a lot and worried a lot, but at the end of the day it was an easy endeavor. My extracurricular activities were easy. They required a little effort to keep them going, and being "good enough" rewards about the same benefits as truly excelling in it. Easy.

This, however, has been anything but easy. For the first time I have been in a job that hasn't come natural to me. I have had to face the feeling of being inadequate in what I do. For the first time I haven't been in control of my own schedule. In the past if I was busy it was basically my own fault--I took on too much, and if I wanted to be less busy all I had to do was say "no" or get out, and it would be taken care of.

For the first time in my life I have had to work hard. Harder than I ever wanted or ever thought possible.

And as a result of this experience, God has tested me and stretched me in ways I have never thought possible, and the lessons taught me this past year has been a veritable "Who's Who" of skills that God requires his disciples to know.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ~ Galations 5:22-23

I can look to each of these "fruits" in my own life and see how they have either matured or were planted because of this job--often times not without much struggle, fight and pushback from me. As a result of this experience, God has continued to mold me and shape me in the person he ultimately wants me to be. He has taught me, probably more than anything, that my joy and foundation in life cannot come from external situations--as was their source for so much of my life--and instead has to come from inward--from the Holy Spirit inside of me. I finally have come to understand what Paul means when he says

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. ~ Phil 4:12-13

Now, I'm not saying that I always am content in every situation--but I know what Paul is getting at here, and I can only aspire to be truly able to say this myself. I'm closer now than I was a year ago.

Was I ready to enter seminary school last Fall? I don't know. I don't know if I could have handled it. I don't know if I had grown out of my "old ways" enough. I don't know if I would have been as effective as I believe I can be now as a result of this experience. It just very well might be that this was indeed God's plan for my life all along.

Regardless of whether or not I ended up where I was suppossed to end up is a pointless game that will prove "fruitless." The fact is that I am here now, and that I must be focused on getting the most out of my time here.

A year ago I had no idea how my life would have progressed up until this point. And equally so, I have no idea where I will be on July 19, 2006. But no matter where I end up, I do know one thing--that if I forget what is behind--and strain toward what is ahead--I will no doubt be closer to that goal.

It's taken me a whole year to figure that out...

What a year, indeed.

Losing Control

I can increasingly feel myself losing control.

Every day, every passing moment, I can feel myself losing control of my thoughts, of my actions, of my desires and of my will and losing control of myself.

I would say slowly but surely I can feel God taking over, but that's not accurate. It's definitely not slowly. It's rapidly, and I would almost say too rapidly.

I prayed a while ago that God would make me one of his disciples. It was after reading Dallas Willard's The Divine Conspiracy, where Willard challenges the reader--dare I say cautiously--that that should be our prayer. And that is what I prayed. And I don't know if I was prepared for God to answer it.

It is an awesome experience. Sometimes I can feel my heart bursting with love--love for the people that are around me, and a desire to let them know about Jesus. It is a wild ride that I hope won't end. The thrill of thinking that day-by-day, moment-by-moment, God is turning me into something like himself is so exhilirating to think about. And I want so much to shout it from the rooftops how much my Savior means to me.

And then this is where the resistance begins. This is where the hesitation starts.

Because at the end of the day I don't have anybody I can tell this to. I don't have anybody to tell because I don't know if anyone will understand. I'm afraid of turning people off to me, of losing my friends. Some will think I've lost it, that I've taken this Christianity thing to the extreme and finally gone off the deep end. They won't get it, they'll be turned off to it. I'm even afraid of how those closest to me will respond.

And so I'm caught in this awkward spot...a desire to go forward and lose more control...but no one to share it with. A desire to give it all to Jesus...but a fear of who I'll lose by doing so.

What do I choose? Where do I go?

Ultimately, I know there is only one answer.

Jesus said that, "any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot by my disciple" (Luke 14:33). Everything. Friends. Family. Loved ones. Anything that causes me to stumble in my faith, anything that holds me back from following Jesus, I must be prepared to give up in order to follow him. That doesn't mean I will be required to give them up. It just means that I might be asked to and willing to if asked.

Because in the end only one thing can matter.

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him ~ Phil 3:7-9

And that is why "Forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Phil 3:13-14).

Father, help me to become Your disciple. Help me to be willing to leave it all behind to follow You. And help me to proclaim it from the rooftops to anybody who will listen, for

Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. ~ Matt 5:14-16

Help me, Father, lose control daily.

The All Nighter

So I never did end up pulling that all nighter last night.

But it looks like I will tonight.

And you know what? I'm OK with that. Strangely, I'm OK with that.

Ever since I started having a new attitude about this job--purposely, consciously started having a new attitude about this job--things have turned up. I'm not working any less, I still have a lot to do, and still won't get a break for quite some time, but strangely, things are looking up.

I've started to see God in my job and throughout it all. I've started to see a point in it all. So what if I work a lot? So what if I'm up late? Does me being here late make this experience any less "holy"? Sure, I need rest. Yes, I'm tired...but the longer I'm up the more oppotunity I have to experience God.

That has been the most significant change over the last few days--trying to see Him wherever I am. If I truly focus on that--and believe me, I forget a TON--then this whole experience becomes almost bearable. Almost.

Of course, we'll see what I have to say tomorrow at 4:00 p.m., when I've been up for 33 hours straight.

The End of the World

I think I may know what Jesus feels like.

I'm at a meeting right now that is going to produce a lot of work tonight, and the later this meeting goes on, the longer I will have to be up tonight. Currently I'm already looking to almost an all nighter as we have a meeting on Friday that materials are due for. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude (per my previous post), but this meeting is somewhat maddening. It's like the world is ending and I am the only one who knows about it. Everyone is enjoying themselves talking in these meetings, we just had a great lunch in an awesome cafeteria, we took a tour of this campus with a gym, basketball courts, running trails, etc. It's a beautiful day and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, "don't you understand? The world is about to end. There's so much that we need to do." But no one will listen.

I wonder if that's how Jesus feels when He looks at us, not caring or focusing on the eternal. "Don't you understand? You're sitting around, idly. I'm coming soon. You need to get serious, because when it hits you're not going to have anymore time. You need to get started focusing now. Time is running out..."

The Job

From yesterday's "My Utmost for His Highest":

A spiritually vigorous saint never believes that his circumstances simply happen at random, nor does he ever think of his life as being divided into the secular and the sacred. He sees every situation in which he finds himself as the means of obtaining a greater knowledge of Jesus Christ, and he has an attitude of unrestrained abandon and total surrender about him. The Holy Spirit is determined that we will have the realization of Jesus Christ in every area of our lives, and He will bring us back to the same point over and over again until we do...Whatever we may be doing-- even eating, drinking, or washing disciples' feet-- we have to take the initiative of realizing and recognizing Jesus Christ in it.

I don't think it's any secret that I don't like my job. I work really bad hours, have very little free time, and am in on average 1.5 days during the weekend. When most people are going home at around 5-6, I have just reached the halfway point in my day. My schedule is extremely unpredictable. One day I could have nothing to do; the next I am in until 4:00 a.m.

It's no secret that I don't like it because I tell everyone. Constantly. My number one hobby is complaining about my job. I probably spend 30% of every conversation that I have complaining about it--about how miserable I am, how much I don't like it, and how much I want out. I hit my 50% of the way done point on Sunday and I told the whole world about it. Closer to the finish than to the start--a great feeling.

But when I read that quote, above, I realize that I'm not doing my Christian duty by complaining about my job. I used to think that this job was against God's will for my life. I think maybe originally it was. But now that I'm here, and have come to "terms" with it, I realize that staying in this job, and seeing it through to completion, is God's new will for my life--His backup plan for right now. And I have a responsibility to serve Him here.

I don't think that this job will ever get better until I have a change in my attitude. I haven't been in this job living it to the fullest. I need to begin to change my outlook on it, and see it as an opportunity to serve Him. "He sees every situation as the means of obtaining a greater knowledge of Jesus Christ." Am I really doing that in this job? No, I'm not. And I don't think that God is going to make it any easier until I start to: "...and he will bring us back to the same point over and over again until we do."

I think that once I truly have that attitude shift--and truly see this job as a way to glorify Christ--it will make this experience the best experience of my life--and can make this job the most exciting and exhilarating job ever. After all, this is an "experience" that sometimes lasts 100 hours a week. It is an "experience" that takes up 16-18 hours a day on average. If I were to spend each minute of every day here finding a way to glorify God--finding a way in my daily mundane tasks to focus on "obtaining a greater knowledge of Jesus Christ" then they might have to tear me from the walls to get me to leave.

So I am going to begin to focus on having an "attitude of unrestrained abandon and total surrender about him" in this job. I am going to begin to focus on seeing him in every task, every chore, every assignment, every staffing and every conversation. It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be exciting. If my goal is to get closer to him, when better to start than now?

"...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings..." ~ Phil 3:10

Searching

They’re on the bus. They’re at the supermarket. They’re walking to work.

Some have a smile on their face. Some are laughing. Some look worried. Some, depressed.

You see them ordering coffee. You watch them reading a book. They’re on their cell phone.

And they’re running past you.

They all look different. Different hairstyles, different colored skin, different features. Some bear the wrinkles of time. Some show the innocence of youth. Others, the scars of heartache and pain.

But through all of these differences, in all of these dissimilarities, there is one thing in common:

They’re all searching.

They’re searching for promise in the morning paper. They’re searching for meaning in their career. They’re searching for hope in the latest bestseller. They’re searching for purpose in their looks.

They’re searching for something greater than themselves. They’re searching for a reason for living. They’re searching for something…anything…

They’re searching for more.

Despite the success, despite the popularity, despite the wisdom garnered over the years, there is an emptiness about their lives. They know there is something else out there. They know this can’t be it. They know there is a greater calling.

But they can’t find it where they’re looking.

Some will search their whole lives. Some will move on from event to event, pleasure to pleasure, craze to craze to find what they’re looking for. Some, weary from the search, will simply give up and decide there is nothing more, there is nothing else. There is just this…and that’s it.

They will never know of the power of Jesus Christ. They will never know of the overwhelming love that He brings. They will never see the joy that He gives…of the freedom that He offers, of the grace that He pours out.

Because though they’re searching, they’re looking in the wrong places. They’re knocking on the wrong doors, they’re being guided by the blind and led by the ignorant.

And so they declare, with faithlessness and gracelessness, in anguish and in frustration, in hurt and despair,

“As for me, I’m still searching.”
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We’re on the bus. We’re at the supermarket. We’re walking to work.

Some of us have a smile on our face. Some of us are laughing. Some of us look focused. Some, burdened.

We’re ordering coffee. We’re reading the Bible. We’re praying.

And we’re running past them.

We all look different. We have different hairstyles, difference colored skin, different features. Some of us bear the wrinkles of time. Some of us show the innocence of youth. Others, the scars of past heartache and pain.

But through all of our differences, in all of our dissimilarities, there is one thing in common: we’ve stopped searching.

For some reason, we’ve all stopped searching.

We’ve found the truth. We know the promise. We’ve experienced the joy. We’ve seen the purpose.

We’ve found someone greater than ourselves. We’ve found our reason for living. We’ve found Jesus Christ. We know they’re is something more.

And yet, still, we’ve stopped searching.

We’ve forgotten what it was like. We have forgotten the emptiness. We’ve forgotten the tears. We’ve forgotten the heartache….the desperation…the loneliness.

And in all our reading, in all our studying, in all of our listening, and in all of our praying, we’ve forgotten one command.

“Go.”

“Go and make.” “Go and baptize.” “Go and teach.” “Go and obey.”

They’re all around us. We see them and yet we forget them. We witness them, and yet fail to witness to them. We hear them but never listen.

We’ve all stopped searching.

We have the key. We hold the map. We know the Way. We’ve seen the hope.

We are the light.

So…let us shine. Let us burn brightly.

Let us “Go.”

And let us declare, with grace and truth, with gentleness and respect, with promise and purpose,

“But as for me, I’m still searching.”
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And maybe…just maybe…by the grace of God, we’ll find each other.

Simplicity

The thing that I long for most in life is simplicity.

When did things become so complicated? Why did they have to be so complicated? I don't think that when God created life He meant us to make it so complicated. I don't think that was His intention. I think he wanted to leave all of the complicated stuff up to Him--and let us just live. Live in His presence, live in His joy, live a simple and fulfilled life.

And then we went and messed it all up. We wanted to be God. We didn't want someone else to be in control. We wanted to do it for ourselves. And so we tried to be God.

I think that is where complexity all started, and where it continues on today. When we try to be God. When we take matters into our own hand. When we take control of our own lives, our own finances, our own plans. When we don't trust God enough to be in control. When we feel like we can do it better ourselves. When we don't hand enough over to God. Then things become complex.

If we, myself included in this, were to live each and every day as though God was in control then things wouldn't be so complex. I think so often our stresses in life result from us not trusting God. We don't feel as though God can take care of things. And so we take matters into our own hands. We try to run it ourselves. And then it all becomes complex.

I don't know anything about cars. Not a lick. That was never something that interested me. Now if my car broke down, I could do one of two things. Either I could try to fix it myself--get under the hood, and play with some nozzles and levers and see if I could get it started again--or I could hand it over to a mechanic, the expert, and have him take care of it. If I were to mess around with it myself, there is about a one in a million chance I could fix it--but chances are, I will only make it worse. If I hand it over to a mechanic, I have no doubt that he could fix it. After all, this is what he does. He is an expert at fixing cars.

And that's what God is. He is an expert at our lives. He created them. He knows every intricate detail of them. He knows not only our lives, but he knows that of everyone else's. And he knows how they're going to affect ours. And if I were to just stop trying to fix things myself, taking things into my own hands and trying to work them out, then things would become simple again.

You see, a car is inherently simple to me. Really, it is. I stick my key in it and turn it and it works. Every once in a while I need to go to a gas station, and stick a nozzle in a hole and pull a trigger. But even that is simple. There's a little light that appears telling me when to do it. There is no guesswork. It's easy.

Now you talk to a mechanic, and a car is inherently not simple. It is complex. There are a million things going on inside of, a million things that have to work just right for it to even get me out of my driveway.

But I don't need to worry about that. That's for him to figure out. He's the expert. I just need to do what I'm told, and the car keeps working. It's that simple.

And that's how life should be. All I need to do is hand the keys over to God. And life will become simple.

I think I'm going to try that today.