Faith

"God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." ~ Genesis 22:8

How did Abraham say that? I wish I could have been there to hear him. Hiding in the shrubs on the side of the mountain, watching them walk up to what was to be Isaac's certain doom, I wish I could have witnessed this moment, and heard Abraham's voice and saw Abraham's reaction as his son asked him "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" (Genesis 22:9).

We are told that Abraham, the man of myth, the man of legend, the father of three world religions, looked into his son's eyes, and with assurance and certainty and a voice that would echo through the ages replied "God himself will provide."

But what about Abraham, the man? What about Abraham, the father? How did he respond?

Was he able to look at his son, God's promise to him, with that same certainty? Or did he instead look to the ground sheepishly, avoiding his son's thoughtful, inquisitive gaze? Better yet--did he look to the heavens and say it as a prayer? Did his voice choke or crackle?

I'd like to think--and it might be just that, wishful thinking--but I'd like to think that he didn't say it with the certainty that maybe we've been taught. Instead, I'd like to think there was doubt. Perhaps not spoken, but in the back of his mind, I'd like to think that he was saying to God, "God, I sure hope you know what you're doing."

I'd like to think that Abraham was a little less like the man of fairytales, and a little bit more like, well, Chris.

That, of course, brings us to a larger question. What kind of faith does God reward? What does God ask for in faith? Is it absolute certainty? Unbridled passion?

The Bible tells us that "faith without works is dead" (James 2:26). But what about the reverse? What is works without faith? Futile? Disrespectful? Or "good enough"?

What if intellectually you're not all there--but behaviorally, you are? If you embark on a quest that God is calling you on and you're heart isn't exactly with it, but you do it anyway? Does God look favorably upon that? Or is that what faith is--acting out despite everything else?

Abraham was finally able to say "The Lord Will Provide" (Genesis 22:14). But did he believe that the whole time? As he held the knife above Isaac's head, and prepared to bring it down, did he do it with the same swift movement that you and I might employ to sit in our favorite chair, confident that it will support us? Or was there hesitation?

Did God reward Abraham because he went through with it despite his doubts? Or did he reward Abraham because there was an absence of doubts?

Was Abraham truly like the man of legends?

...or was he a little bit more like one of us?

So Abraham called the place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided." ~ Genesis 22:14

The Race

Things are kind of hard right now. A lot in my life is changing. Things around me are happening faster than I can comprehend, and in many ways I feel kind of lost amidst it all.

In many ways this past month (or has it been longer? I can't recall anymore) has been one of the most difficult months I've ever had--but difficult in a somewhat good way. In many ways I have been forced to face head-on a lot of things in my life and determine where I fall in all of it.

One of the things that I have been the most cognizant of this past year is my faith. Through a series of things, God has caused me to face head on this issue of faith. And he has brought me to a clear threshold: whether or not I'm going to "live by faith," and truly give it up to God, or whether I'm going to continue along my own path and do what I want to do and follow my own ambitions, aspirations, etc. (And, by the way, this is completely independent of whether or not I go to seminary school next year.) God's at the other side of the threshold and, lovingly, asking me to step across and rely on him.

I like what Chambers said. "God may bring me up to this point 365 times a year, but he cannot push me through it. It means breaking the the hard outer layer of my individual independence from God, and the liberating of myself and my nature into oneness with Him; not following my own ideas, but choosing absolute loyalty to Jesus" (see previous post).

God has brought me to that point several times over the past month. And although every time I pray "God use me," my heart is not there because I fear what He is going to ask me to do once I finish the prayer. What if he asks me to .... ?

What I have realized is that I love my own life more than Christ's. I love my own comfort, my own things, my own dreams and my own ambitions. I am not at that point yet where I can sacrifice everything over to Him. I don't have the faith to do it.

But I am learning. And I am seeking. And I would argue to say that I am further along than I was six months ago, further along than I was three months ago, further along than I was a week ago. It's hard. I have learned that faith is not easy. It is, as Paul says, a race--a race that needs to be run with the intensity to win it (see 1 Cor 9:24).

And so I'm working on it. God has brought to my heart these past few weeks several things that need to be worked on--areas in my life that I need to focus on. I'm working on those, too. It's funny how the closer I feel like I am growing to God, the further away I realize I have been from Him.

I've realized that things like this--the transformation of character, the rearranging of the entire way I have lived my life for the past 23 years--takes time. Despite my desire that "God get it over with quickly," I need to learn to be patient. God has given me some amazing gifts, but it means that it is all that much harder to rip those gifts away from my own desires and aspirations and instead give them to Him.

I'm not there yet. But I'm learning.

"Forgetting what is behind...straining toward what is ahead..." ~ Phil 3:13

"My Utmost for His Highest"

Today's devotion from Oswald Chambers:

A Bondservant of Jesus

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me... ~ Galatians 2:20

These words mean the breaking and collapse of my independence brought about by my own hands, and the surrendering of my life to the supremacy of the Lord Jesus. No one can do this for me, I must do it myself. God may bring me up to this point three hundred and sixty-five times a year, but He cannot push me through it. It means breaking the hard outer layer of my individual independence from God, and the liberating of myself and my nature into oneness with Him; not following my own ideas, but choosing absolute loyalty to Jesus. Once I am at that point, there is no possibility of misunderstanding. Very few of us know anything about loyalty to Christ or understand what He meant when He said, "...for My sake" (Matthew 5:11). That is what makes a strong saint.

Has that breaking of my independence come? All the rest is religious fraud. The one point to decide is— will I give up? Will I surrender to Jesus Christ, placing no conditions whatsoever as to how the brokenness will come? I must be broken from my own understanding of myself. When I reach that point, immediately the reality of the supernatural identification with Jesus Christ takes place. And the witness of the Spirit of God is unmistakable— "I have been crucified with Christ . . . ."

The passion of Christianity comes from deliberately signing away my own rights and becoming a bondservant of Jesus Christ. Until I do that, I will not begin to be a saint.

One student a year who hears God’s call would be sufficient for God to have called the Bible Training College into existence. This college has no value as an organization, not even academically. Its sole value for existence is for God to help Himself to lives. Will we allow Him to help Himself to us, or are we more concerned with our own ideas of what we are going to be?

Lean Not on Your Own Understanding

OK, so I just had a revelation that I need to share. Perhaps I am the last one to get this, the last horse out of the gates if you will, but something just made sense to me that hadn't before, and I just had a new appreciation for a verse that I have known for years.

The verse is the famous "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5).

Now I've had this (and its following) verse memorized for years and have recited it ad infinitum. I've heard sermons on it, read books about it and written about it before. But it wasn't until just a few minutes ago that I truly understood a part of it that never made sense to me.

The first part of that verse is pretty self-explanatory. "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart." Although easy to understand, it is hard to do. I, myself, have tried over and over again to "trust with all my heart" but have failed miserably. I think now I realized why.

They key to that verse is in the second part--the part that when I recite it I have always kind of glossed over and never made much sense. Until now.

Whenever I try to "trust God with all my heart" I tend to get stuck on one thing. For a person like me who is (for the most part) pretty logical, a lot of times when I think about what God wants me to do I often get stopped at "it doesn't make sense." Why would God ask me to do something like that? Why me? Why now? Why in this way? Path A is so much easier--why does He insist I keep on going down Path B?

To put it in very real terms for me: working a few more years makes a ton more sense. I get paid a lot more, have a secure "nest egg" for when I do eventually go to seminary school, I get more "real world" experience, I appease those around me, I could live comfortably and safely and securely, etc. etc. etc. It is logical. If I were in court I could argue a firm case for why I should work more. And no jury would disagree. All that parts just add up.

So why, then, do I constantly feel as though that isn't in God's plan? Why when I try to trust him am I constantly getting back the sense that He wants me to start His ministry right away and not work in the corporate world more?

It is because of what God tells us in that verse. Part of trusting in God with all of your heart means that you "lean not on your own understanding." Put another way, you do things that don't make sense--or seem logical--to you. But that's the point! The key to trust in God is sometimes to put away logic, reasoning and rationale and to do what God wants you to do.

I have always been hung up on trusting in God because it is when I start to do that that my logic kicks in. I list in my mind the pros and cons of each major decision I have to make. And what I have found is more often than not "God's Will" is listed on the losing side of my choice. But it is in what "column" God goes in that is the only one that matters.

God calls us to do things that might not make sense. When God was leading the Israelites out of Egypt, instead of taking them by way of Philistine country, which was shorter on their way to Israel and frankly made more sense, He instead took them to the Red Sea. Yep, you heard me. God said that in order to get to New York from California he doesn't want you driving East. Instead, he wants you to get in your car and head West. Never mind the fact that there is an Ocean in front of you. You head West and let God take care of the rest.

It didn't make sense. It was illogical. But we are dealing with the Creator of the Universe here. And so they followed. They didn't lean on their own understanding--they didn't do what made sense. They trusted God. And what did God do? He parted the sea! He turned your car into a boat! The Israelites trusted God and He showed them wonders unlike any other and protected them from a band of chasing Egyptians.

And we are called to do much of the same.

God right now is calling me in a direction that doesn't make sense. If I add up all of the pieces, I'll end up a dollar (or a couple of hundred thousand dollars) short if I go to seminary school next year. Almost all of the advice I have gotten up until now has been to work longer. And it's a good argument that makes a lot of sense.

But it just doesn't feel right. It seems as though God is leading me in another direction. It doesn't make sense and to be honest I don't know right now if I have enough faith to carry through with it.

But if I am serious about trusting God, then I have just realized that I might just need to trade the logical for the illogical...and see the impossible come true.

"Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

Surrendering

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. ~Luke 9:23

If I had to be honest about my struggles right now, that verse is at the center of it. More than anything else right now I am having a hard time surrendering. I am struggling with giving it all up and over to God...With realizing that it is not me, but Christ, that matters most, and letting go of my will, of my ambitions, hopes, dreams and desires...Dropping everything for the sake of Christ.

I have had a tremendous growth in faith in the past 9 months. But right now I am stalled. God has taught me so much since the beginning of this year. He has taught me so much about Himself. He has revealed to me so many truths about His love, His grace, His mercy and His awesome, AWESOME power. He has showed me everything that a life of leaning on Him is capable of.

But now He has turned it back to me. After revealing so much of Himself to me and teaching me so much about who He is, He has, I feel, essentially said, "OK, Chris. Now it's your turn. I've taught you what I want to teach you. And I'm not going to teach you anymore--for a while, at least--until you take that next step. Show Me what you've learned."

And that next step is not simply reading more of the Bible or praying more. It's not a passive relationship with Jesus. It's not just going to church and listening to Christian music. The next step, I feel, is beginning to lean on Him. It's starting the process of surrendering--of truly denying myself and giving it over to Him. Of releasing my grip on my life and my will and giving it over to God.

There has always existed in me a dichotomy. I struggle between the desire to gain the acceptance of man--to be everything to all people, to be well liked and accepted among my peers--and the desire to give it all over to God. Over most of my life, I have found that the desire to be accepted by man has won out over the desire to please God. Although there have been times when I have began the process of surrendering, I always stop myself right before I truly do that. I, myself, start to get scared when I realize that I am losing control over my own desires for Christ's. And so I stop myself, and begin to follow man again.

And thus I have never truly surrendered. I have always followed the will of Chris and never the will of Christ. I have come close, but never given it all over. God still loves me, and still will continue to, even if I spend my whole life following the will of Chris.

But that ultimately leads to an empty life, a purpose-less existence. God has far greater things plan for me. To truly give into Him, He will lead me to do things that I myself could never dream of.

But it is taking that step that frightens me...

Surrendering. Denying self. Truly giving up everything for Jesus.

Taking up my cross. Risking humiliation. Risking persecution. Risking life.

I know that when I do that, falling into Christ will be an awesome experience. I know that. I know deep in my heart it will be the most exhilarating ride. It will be exhausting. It will be difficult. It will not be without heartache, heartbreak and tears.

But being caught by Christ--the joy! Falling into the arms of the Creator! What wonderful things He will show me then! Everything I have gone through in the past 9 months will pale in comparison to what He will reveal to me when I step out into nothing with only He to catch me.

And I know that if I take that first step, the next one will be easier. And the one after that even more so. And each one will bring with it quite possibly more sorrow, and more tears, but an infinitely deeper understanding of the Maker and, ultimately, infinitely more joy.

In short, it will be awesome.

But it begins with that first step. It begins with surrendering.

To surrender self, to give it all
Is to live the life that Got has planned
To step out in faith and truly fall
Is to land in His outstretched hand

It's All About Jesus

For whatever reason on Sunday my bus stopped well before it usually does and the driver informed us that it was going to go no further. And so everyone had to exit, and my trip to church got a heck of a lot longer.

As I journeyed on to my church, I had to walk through less "desirable" parts of San Francisco. Not bad, mind you, or dangerous, just parts of the city you wouldn't normally find someone like myself in. Homelessness is a problem in San Francisco, just like any other city, but seems to be more rampant here than I encountered when I lived in Los Angeles. And those homeless people here appear to be more helpless in their situation than those I ran into in LA.

Walking along these streets to church, it hit me the kind of life that I am signing up for as a Pastor. The majority of my church experience up until my move here has been in fairly affluent circles. EV Free may not be a "rich" church, but it is a well-off church, and a church that has over five thousand members. Friends, another church I went to in Orange County, is soon moving into a new 2500 seat building. Saddleback, which I also attend frequently, accepted pledges of over $50,000,000 in one weekend to build onto its already sprawling 150+ acre campus. And Bel Air, where I went to church while at USC, had among its regular attenders Ronald Reagan, Tori Spelling and Britney Spears.

Needless to say, my view of church has been warped, and it wasn't until living here that I realized how far out of the norm that was.

Most churches are struggling. They don't exist in wealthy neighborhoods, and don't boast memberships well into the thousands. The church I go to in SF I would consider a relatively healthy one--and it has 400 people on a Sunday at most. Most churches don't have the reach or the influence as the ones I am accostomed to. Not everyone has heard of it. And the Pastors don't write books or have TV or radio ministries. Instead, they have their hands full managing a struggling congregation.

It hit me as I made this walk that if I am going to become a Pastor, I cannot do it out of selfish reasons. I admit that I was initially drawn to the role because of my love of public speaking--and, indeed, a tool I believe God used to initially draw me. But being a Pastor is so much more than that, and that is never to be a reason why someone becomes one.

Instead, I must realize that the only reason to be a Pastor is because of a love for Christ. It's all about Jesus. If I am to become one of the ones that He chooses to lead a church, it is only because I want to follow Christ, and sacrifice everything I have for Him. That is the only thing that will sustain me through difficult times, when things aren't going the way I expect them and when I'm down. I may never have a ministry that means anything outside the walls of a small town, but I must learn to be satisfied that I am making an impact for Christ. If I am to become a Pastor, I must realize that God may even choose to ask me to sacrifice my love for public speaking--that for whatever reason, I might never ever preach a sermon the rest of my life--but that is to not hinder my desire to still follow Him and His will.

I have to be honest--that is a scary thought. For a person like me, who is used to accolades and achievement, and is able to, on my own, get quite a bit accomplished, for me to say that I am willing to sacrifice all of that for the name of Jesus, to surrender complete control of my ambitions and my desires for His will, to deny myself and follow Him, well...can I do it? Am I ready to do it? Is my love for Christ that strong?

I don't know. And I don't have the answers right now. But I'm searching. I'm always searching. And I won't give up until I find the truth.

The Touch

Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart... ~ Proverbs 3:5

I saw a scene recently that really struck me and really made me think.

I was on my way to the gym and saw a blind woman on the sidewalk waiting for a bus. Next to her side was her guide-dog--a golden retriever. As I walked past the pair, I glanced at the dog, expecting to see the woman's hands grabbing tightly onto the dog's leash. Instead, she barely appeared to be touching the dog at all. Indeed, she only had two fingers extended and they were lightly touching just a few strands of fur on the neck of the dog--she wasn't even touching the dog's skin. For the dog, I'm sure it felt as nothing more than the hint of a touch. Indeed, the dog was being held back by absolutely nothing. And, if it chose, it could run off after any car that was passing by.

Yet it didn't. It stayed right there.

I know that if I were in that woman's place, I would do everything that I could to ensure that the dog--my companion and only means of getting around--stayed right there by me. At the very least, I know that I would be gripping onto the dog's collar or leash with all my might. But, more likely, I would be sitting down on the curb right next to the dog with my hands around its neck.

What struck me as I watched this was the faith that this woman had in her dog. She knew that this dog was not going to leave her side. This faith was developed from years of experience with the dog. When she first got him, I'm sure she held onto the dog's leash, making sure it was always by her side. But as time wore on, she knew that she could trust the dog--her companion wouldn't leave her. And so, she gradually learned to loosen her grip on the leash until she had so much faith in it that she let go altogether. In fact, although I can't be certain, I would even argue to say that the reason she touched the dog so lightly was not so that she would be certain that the dog was still there--but rather to let the dog know that she was still there, so as to remind him of her presence and assure him that he wasn't abandoned. In that hint of a touch, the dog was comforted.

As I reflected this woman's faith in her dog, I started to became very ashamed of my faith in God. Like this woman, I have Something at my side that has proved Itself time and time again. A loyal Companion that has never left me through the years. And not just any Companion. I have standing next to me every day the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth. God Almighty. Ruler of all creation. The Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. The Savior. A God that has taken me through every struggle, every trial and every hard time I have ever faced in my life. "Through many troubles, toils and snares I have already come," the hymnist writes. And it is by the grace of God that I have made it through them all.

And yet, day after day, I still doubt and question. Time after time I fail to trust God. He has never given me any reason to not believe that He will be by my side. And yet I still fail Him. Constantly. I know that He will provide...and yet I fail to trust Him with my finances. I know that His will is always best...and yet I fail Him with my decisions. I know that He will give me the words when I share Him with others...and yet I fail Him with spreading the Gospel. I know that He is there. And yet I fail to lean on him and fail to let him guide me. And, instead, I wander aimlessly. I wander blindly.

Reflecting further on this, I was overwhelmed by another thing: despite my failings, I was struck by how much God still trusts me.

In many ways, I saw God as the Master, and myself as the guide-dog. But the absolute worst guide-dog man has even seen. The kind that you wouldn't trust to give to someone with 20-20 vision. A dog who runs away at the first chance he gets, the second his master lets him free--and even sometimes when he doesn't.

But God hasn't given up on me. He hasn't retired me, sent me back to the kennel, and gotten a new guide-dog. Quite to the contrary, every day He gives me more opportunities to trust Him. Even when I don't deserve it, He still lets me free.

Even though I haven't trusted Him with my finances, he gives me a paycheck every month. Even though I doubt His will, He still lets me make my own decisions. Even though I fear spreading His word to others, he still gives me daily new opportunities to tell others about Jesus.

Even though every morning I run away from Him and after the first thing that catches my eye, every night He welcomes me back with open arms and a great big hug.

If I had a dog that misbehaved as much as I do, I would tie it to a tree in my back yard with a 12-inch steel pole.

But not God. Every morning He brings me outside to the sidewalk and lets me go, leaving me free to do as I choose.

Most times I take off running and don't look back as I pursue everything that I shouldn't, leaving my God on the sidewalk, waiting for me to return.

But recently, as my faith has matured and I have grown deeper in the knowledge of God, I decide, every once in a while, to not leave so quickly or wander so far. Instead, I am learning, a little bit each day, to stay a little bit closer to the Master.

And when I do stay a bit closer to my God, something amazing happens. Ever so softly, ever so gracefully, there is a touch--not even a touch, but a gentle hint of a touch--on the back of my neck. And the closer I stay to God the more frequently this happens. It is in these times that I realized that I have received something truly special. For God has reached down, and I have felt His touch--the touch of the Master.

And in that touch, I am comforted in the thought that my God is there--and reminded again to trust in Him.

Chuck Swindoll

On Sunday I was able to see the best pastor I have ever heard before in my life, Chuck Swindoll. The former Pastor of Ev Free, Fullerton, the church I grew up in, Chuck came back for the church's 50th Anniversary to give a message that largely served as a reflection on his years at the church.

Hearing--and watching--Chuck brought a tear to my eye. I saw in that man a person who was born to preach. Undoubtedly, Chuck is a man that God called uniquely to preach His word. And there are few--I would argue none--who do it as well as Chuck.

What I admired about Chuck's preaching is that he didn't resort to gimmicks and tricks to teach the word. He didn't try for any catchy phrases or acronyms to drive home the point. Instead, he relied on the Word -- he spoke from the Word. And rather than have us fill in 15 blanks on a sheet of paper to force us to pay attention, he simply had us write four words in the margin of our Bible, and instead kept our attention the entire time with his honest preaching of the Word of God, flavored with his masterful way of bringing thoughts together.

I think the reason that it hit me the way it did is because I saw a person doing exactly what I believe I was born to do. Preach. I believe that is what God has uniquely called me for. I know there are more things to the role of a Pastor than his weekly sermon. And by God's grace I will be able to fulfill that role, as he gives me the gifts necessary. But I also know that God has already given me a unique gift. It is that gift that first drew me to the thought of the ministry, and that gift that sustains me as I think about pressing on towards that goal.

I have come to have a different attitude about my current job more over the past several months. Something changed almost instantaneously one day and I started to, in my weaker moments, even like what I'm doing. Perhaps it's that I'm more experienced. Perhaps I've had it lucky recently. Perhaps it's because I'm just phased from doing over a year of this and so I'm simply used to the lifestyle, the hours, and the unpredictability. Whatever the reason, there have been moments over the past several weeks when I've even considered doing something more in this field--and even (gasp) staying a third year.

It would probably make sense for me to work longer. Financially I would be much more stable if I worked even just one more year in this or another job. I would appease relatives and friends if I stayed and worked more. And delaying seminary school one year doesn't seem, from the outside, like that big of a deal. And considering the fact that I like it a little bit more, it would even be bearable. Perhaps even enjoyable.

But it wouldn't be fulfilling. Ultimately, there would be a longing in my heart for something more. You see, I realized on Sunday that God made me for a specific reason: he made me to preach. And it is His will for my life that I do that. And I don't think God wants us to postpone His will under any circumstances--no matter how "logical" another path might seem.

I don't know if I'll ever have a ministry as effective as Chuck's. I don't know if I will have his reach, his influence, or his skills. That is not for me to worry about (although I will from time to time). But that does not (or should not) matter. God made me to preach. When He formed me, He made me to stand in front of an audience and tell them about Jesus. I have no doubt about that. While other people my age spend their Saturday afternoons playing videogames or watching football, I spend mine crafting sermons. That's not normal. But there is nothing else I would rather do. And every morning as I ride the bus to work, I can't help but think about standing in front of a congregation, delivering a message.

I still don't know what I'm going to do next year. I'm beginning to realize that there is a right path and not-so-right path. There is what I'm supposed to do, and what I could do and still be OK. I was made to preach. But I can build financial models. I can do both pretty well. But one thing is what I was born to do. The other is what I've picked up over the years.

Father, give me the strength, the wisdom, and the courage to do what you built me to do. Like Chuck, Father, help me to preach...

Following God

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." ~ Matthew 6:33

So I just got back from a 10-day vacation. It was the first time I have really taken time off from my job since I started over a year ago. It was much needed, a great time to recoup and to refocus on what is important. Although I didn't go anywhere exotic--Orange County, back home--it was exactly what I wanted to do.

One of my "goals" during my vacation was to really focus on God's plan for my life. Per recent posts, I have been struggling with the Pastor decision in regards to timing. I know that God has called me to be a Pastor. I have no doubt about that. But I am questioning His exact timing--is it really necessary that I go right away?--and wanted to use this break to figure out God's will for the next step in my life which will begin less than 10 months from now.

God has, for some reason, chosen to deal with my very directly in life. When I was first called, I heard, quite literally, the voice of God telling me. And there are other times in my life when He has revealed things to me very distinctly. And so I faced this past week with that in mind, hoping that one day, while reading the Bible, or praying, or attending church that God would speak to me and tell me what He wanted me to do.

And so I went to church diligently--four times this past week. And I prayed. And I read the Bible. And I prayed some more, and sang songs and fell asleep reading the Bible. And yet there was no sign from God, no voice telling me what I should do, no vision making it clear.

And I sit here now, on the last day of my vacation, "preparing" for the week ahead of me, and am no further along in my decision than I was 10 days ago.

I started to get concerned about this earlier in the week. I didn't know when I would have another time like last week--and extended break where I could really focus on God's will for my life--again before I really have to make my decision. I don't want to make a decision that is against God's will. And I don't think God would me to do that either. So why didn't God choose to reveal it to me when I wanted?

It was at one point in my study this past week that God put on my heart Matthew 6:33, above. A famous verse that most Christians can quote by heart, and many non-Christians have heard of before, this passage took on new meaning for me this past week as God revealed to me something more important that whether or not He wants me to be a Pastor now or later.

I realized this past week that I was getting so caught up in God's will that I was forgetting what is most important: God, himself. I was so intent on finding out what God wants me to do that I was neglecting to find out more about God.

Whenever I read the Bible, my thoughts were focused more on "I wonder if this verse will be the verse where God chooses to tell me." Whenever I worshipped in church I was listening for that voice that first spoke to me over three years ago. Whenever I prayed, I was telling God what He needed to tell me, and not listening to God about what He wanted to tell me.

God wants us to follow His will. But that is not at the expense of following God, and that is what that verse speaks to. Sometimes we as Christians try so hard to follow what God wants us to do, or where he wants us to go that we forget that what God wants more than all of that is for us to follow Him. That He is more important that what He wants us to do or where He wants us to go. And that by following Him, He will reveal--in his time--all of these other things.

"Seek first," He says, "Seek first His kingdom and his righteousness." In other words, seek God. I need to seek God. I need to study his word without thinking what I'm going to get out of it--and instead study it to get a better understanding of God. I need to pray to God because He wants me to talk to Him. And I need to worship God because God deserves worshipping.

And God promises that as a by-product of all of this, as a result of following Him, "all these things will be given to you as well." God grants us the desires of our hearts. He gives us what we need. He reveals to us His plans for us. But that is only after we follow Him--and only Him.

Of course God wants me to know His plan for my life. And when He sees it fit He will reveal it to me in the way that He wants me to know. It might be by closing doors in one direction or another. It might be by saying nothing as I, on my own, continue along the path that I think He wants me to, thereby letting me know I'm doing what is right. Or He might choose to open up the Heavens and let me know directly. However He chooses, I will be ready--but let me work to not focus on where I'm going and instead on Him.

Let me seek, first, Him. And have confidence that in time all of that other stuff will be revealed.

Bye!

Hope you have a good weekend!

The Love of God

On Sunday night something hit me that had never hit me before: how much God loves me.

I mean, I've been told that my whole life. I've sang songs about it, read verses about it, and listened to sermons about it. That truth is as basic to the Christian faith as Jesus.

But on Sunday it really hit me. God loves me. A ton. And no matter what I do, no matter where I go, no matter what, God loves me.

His is a love that is pure. It is a love without fail. It is truly unconditional. Get it? Unconditional. No matter what I do He loves me. His love for me isn't dependent on anything. He loves me regardless. He loves me unconditionally.

Think of a friend that you treat the same way that you treat God. I bet it's hard to think of one. Why? Because anybody that you treat as poorly as you treat God isn't a friend anymore. They leave, fed up with your neglect, your rudeness and your failed promises.

And yet no matter how many times we fail God, He's still there. Loving us. Wanting to be with us.

Why?

Because He loves us.

God taught this to me on Sunday night. After a period of selfishness, evidenced in my recent posts, I was reminded by a friend that it's not about me, it's about God. And that I needn't worry what other people think, I need to focus on what God wants.

And when I turned back to God, there He was, waiting for me with open arms, ready to hug me and love me again.

There was no condemnation, no judging looks, no "I told you so" or waving of the finger. Instead, there was grace, mercy and two simple words: "Welcome home."

And that love goes farther. God loves us so much that he always has our best interests in mind. No matter what. He is always looking out for us. He loves us so much that sometimes He will allow us to be hurt in order to make us better.

I think love sometimes requires that: hurt. So many relationships that I see don't have that as a part of them, and I think that is because inherently in love we are selfish. We have our best interest in mind, and are unwilling to let that go and hurt someone else, even if by doing that we are serving their best interest. "I don't want to lose them. There's no way I could tell them that. That would hurt them, and I can't risk that. They might leave me."

But God doesn't do that. He loves us so much that He is willing to do whatever it takes for us to become a better person--even if it risks us rejecting Him in the process.

The love of God is bigger than anything I have ever imagined and will probably never be able to comprehend it or explore all that it offers in this life. But I'm so glad that it's real.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God. ~ Ephesians 3:18-19

Scary

According to the NEWSWEEK/Beliefnet Poll, eight in 10 Americans—including 68 percent of evangelicals—believe that more than one faith can be a path to salvation, which is most likely not what they were taught in Sunday school.

68% of Evangelicals? Wow. What has happened?

With Love

Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. May he be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. Amen. ~ Ephesians 3:20-21

Father, help me to stop focusing on myself. Let me realize that it's not about me, and it's all about You.

Thank You for Your love, thank You for Your forgiveness, for Your mercy and Your grace and Your infinite wisdom. Thank You for Your patience and for not giving up on me, for still desiring to work in me, even though I fail You so many times.

I love You. Thank You for loving me.

Except

Father, I want to be Your Disciple.
I will do anything You ask of me.
(Except that. I won't do that.)

Father, I want to be Your messenger.
I will go anywhere You tell me.
(Except there. I won't go there.)

Lord, I want to be Your Pastor.
I will tell them anything Your word says.
(Except this. You can't expect me to tell them this.)

Lord, I want to be Your Evangelist.
I will share You with anyone You put in my way.
(Except him. You know I can't talk to him.)

God, I want to be Your Teacher.
I will teach them all to be Your disciples.

(Except me.)

Missed Opportunities

Last night I pulled out a prayer journal that I had near my bed and started reading through some of the old entries. This is not a journal that I write in very often. I got it in 2001, and I probably have 10 or 15 entries in it, total. But it is a journal that I have written in consistently--there are at least a few entries from every year for the past four.

What this journal provides, then, is a snapshot of me in my faith journey at some very distinct times in my life. As I read through the entries, I can't remember writing each one -- but I definitely remember the circumstances surrounding each one and the emotions that I was feeling as I called out for help to God in this journal.

As I read through it, I was struck by two things:

1. Not a single one of my old concerns are my concerns now. Not a one. There is not one thing I wrote down in that journal that I would even think of praying about today. Every single situation was solved, taken care of, and is no longer a worry. I even laughed and smiled at the things that caused me to be so uptight--even as recent as a year ago--and how God's hand has moved in every dilemma. What an awe-inspiring thought to see how God moves in our lives over time.

2. My walk in my faith is no further along now than it was 4 years ago. Although the external problems that have plagued me over the past four years are gone, the shortcomings I have when it comes to my faith, are still there. As I read over this journal, I can't tell you how many times I asked God to "use me," to "let me do your will no matter what," to "change me and shape me, and help me become more like you." And when I wrote in that journal again last night, I used those same cries and pleas for God to use me.

It struck me in reflecting on this that everything that God had control over and I didn't--all of the external situations in my life that have caused me so much worry over the years--God took care of and those problems disappeared. But the one thing that I had control over--my faith, and where I was going to go with it, and how I was going to serve God--is no better off now than it was when I first opened the pages of that journal. In other words, the one obstacle God has failed to remove in my life is the one that He can't. Me.

And yet I look over these years, and I see countless times when God has touched me, when He has reached down and impacted my life. I see times where He has both indirectly and directly called out to me. And I know that those times have changed me--but only for a while. For a week I'll be on cloud-9, ready to do anything and everything that He asks of me. But that next week I'm back on earth, resisting and fighting and falling back into temptation and back into sin.

In short, a lot of that journal was filled with missed opportunities.

Opportunities where God was calling me to do great things. Where if I had truly been willing to "deny myself," there is no limit to what He could have done with me. I have no doubt that if I had recklessly surrendered to God my freshman year of college--and stayed that way throughout--that God could have used me to lead a spiritual revival at USC, the likes of which no campus has seen. That's not boasting in my own abilities; that's marvelling at what God can do with anyone who is willing to follow his will.

Instead? I shrunk back and doubted and said "God, not me, there's no way I could do it" and continued on in my safe world.

In the end, I realized that I have never taken a significant step for my faith in all my life. I have always talked the big talk, I know how to get in a debate about God and hold my own, I can quote scripture and sing the songs, and I can pray and everything else. But I have never taken that leap of faith. I have never taken up my own cross and followed Christ. I've always been too scared to. At that moment when I start to feel myself really losing control to Him, I cour back and say "no. I can't do it." And I miss another opportunity.

And I'm afraid I might do that again.

Recently, I've begun to doubt my calling. Not doubt, per se, but question whether it's necessary for me to do it so soon. I mean, what's the difference if I go to seminary school next year or work for a few more? I'm making good money now, and to work for a few more, I could have a very secure nest egg that could support me for my years of seminary--and then some. I have the potential to make a ton of money in the next several years, and that is very tempting.

Also, what are people going to think about me if I decide to go to seminary school? That I'm giving up? That I couldn't cut it in the "real world" and had to come crawling back home? How will this effect my image of an overachiever? What will people say?

And I also have a feeling that if I decide to do this, I'm going it alone. I will be doing it without the approval of many people around me. My parents, for one, although ultimately supportive, will question why I really had to do it so quick--and be leaving a lot of money on the table. My friends will think I'm downright crazy, many of whom aren't Christians. And I don't blame them. Think of it from their perspective--I'm leaving a world of wealth behind to go and spend my life teaching about something they don't even believe in. To them, I'm sure, it's the equivalent of me saying "I'm quitting my job to go become one of Santa's elves." And what about my future family? Sure, I'm choosing to be a Pastor--but they're not. Is it fair to drag them into a lifestyle that I have chosen for myself? A lifestyle that for them will be no doubt exceedingly difficult? -- when it would be so easy for me to just continue on and be a successful businessman, affording them all of the luxuries they could imagine to their heart's content?

And so as this ultimate deadline draws nearer--where I leave this behind and start my study to become a Pastor--and as the reality is starting to set in as to what I'm going to be embarking on in less than a year--I'm doing what I've always done. I'm getting scared. I'm backing off. I'm in the couring position. And I'm close to saying, "No. I can't do it. I just can't."

There was an emptiness as I looked over that prayer journal last night. A profound sadness as I looked at all of those missed opportunities. In many ways I was mad at myself. Mad at myself for never taking that step, for never abandoning all and following God.

I don't want that to happen again. But I wouldn't be honest if I ended this post with a positive twist, a message that "everything will be alright, I'll make it through." I'm sure I will, but that's not how I feel right now. It's not that I'm doubting God. I don't doubt God. And it's not that I'm doubting His will for my life. I'm not doubting his will for my life. I have been more sure of that then anything else. I know where God wants me, and I have not doubted that since that day in August.

I guess, ultimately, the thing that I'm doubting is...myself.

"Me? Really? Are you sure?"

God, help me get over myself.

A Gentle Reminder

Recently God has been giving me a lot of those moments -- I call them "Gentle Reminders" -- that He's around. Those moments when you're reminded, once again, that He is there, and that He loves you and that He cares for you.

They've come at some pretty interesting times in some pretty interesting places...at 4:00am as I'm walking into my hotel room in New York...at 9:00 p.m. as I'm packing up for the day...at 8:00 am when I'm getting ready...

They're not much. There's no sound of trumpets or calls of angels, no dramatic "come to Jesus" moments.

But they're unmistakeable and oh, so real.

It's a nudge. A whisper. A skipped heartbeat. A twinkle of light. A gentle push from behind. A soft breeze or a sweet aroma.

It's these things that cause our hearts to dance with joy. It is as if for a moment--only a brief moment--God unviels for us what He has prepared for us. As if this world disappears and Heaven gets to shine through--if only for a second.

It's in these moments that I'm reminded of what I'm living for, and where I'm headed.

I can't wait to get there.

Baidu

Here's a picture of me in the LA Times. Pretty cool, huh?

(No religious message. I just wanted to share that I was in the paper. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll use it in some sermon sometime, though.)

Rethinking Sin

The author of Hebrews writes that, "We do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in all points like as we are, yet without sin" (Hebrews 4:15). In 2 Corinthians, Paul says that "God made him who had no sin to be [a] sin [offering] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21).

The belief that Jesus was without sin is a necessary belief of the Christian faith. If Christ sinned while on earth, He couldn't be the blameless sacrificial lamb that humankind needed to atone for our sins. If He committed even one sin in his life then my faith is without reason. I am not guaranteed salvation for accepting him as my savior.

Yet for as long as I can remember, there are a few stories in Jesus' life that I have struggled to fit within this belief--by all accounts they appear to be sinful actions that Christ committed.

In fact, even a casual study of the gospels does not show a savior that is a perfect picture of what we think as the typical way a Christian should act. Christ seemed to rebel against society. He angered many by his words and actions. He was not the poster child for a church-going conservative. As one commentator noted, "he was no James Dobson."

There are two incidents in particular that I've had a hard time with. The first is recounted in Luke 2, when Jesus is twelve years old and stays behind in Jerusalem after Passover while His parents continue on to Nazareth to go back home. His parents realized a day after traveling that He was not with them. They went back to Jerusalem and searched three days for Jesus before they found Him in the temple. When asked where He had been, Jesus replied, "Didn't you know I'd be in my Father's house?" (Luke 2:49).

I know one thing: if I had pulled that on my parents, it would have been a sin. I would have disobeyed the "honor thy father and mother" commandment, and would have felt guilty about it for days. So does that mean the young Jesus committed a sin?

Or how about when Jesus was in the temple (Matthew 21)? After his triumphal entry into Jerusalem, Jesus went to the temple and "drove out all who were buying and selling there." That's not so bad, you say? Well listen to what our Savior did next: "He overturned the tables of the money changes and benches of those selling doves" (Matthew 21:12).

Destroying property, vandalism, disturbing the peace--that surely is sinful, isn't it?

I did some of my own research on this, and found answers that were wholly unsatisfactory. They were adequate, but only worked to come up with a lame excuse why Jesus was able to do this. One argued, for example, that Jesus was absent-minded, and didn't realize His parents were heading to Nazareth and that is why He stayed around in Jerusalem. An absent-minded messiah? I hope not.

No matter how you look at it, these actions of Christ do not fit within the mainstream church's view of what is sinful and not. You can come up with cute little ways with how we can justify them, but in the end those are merely unsatisfying excuses meant as a way for the "absent-minded" believer to sit back and go, "OK, that sort of makes sense. I guess so." I can't, however, swallow them. Does that mean then that my faith is all for naught? That I should just give it up?

I can't do that. I have been a first hand witness to the power of Christ in my own life. I know how He has transformed the lives of me and those around me. In fact, it would take more faith for me not to believe in Christ. And so I must seek another answer. And I think I have found one that is really revolutionary for my own faith, and has caused me to rethink what sin really is.

For years sermons have been taught on the verse that says that "God is love" (I John 4:16). Almost invariably when a speaker speaks on this, he stops the audience and causes them to really think about the verse. Modern-day society has a very perverted idea of what "love" is, influenced by a mainstream media that has it all wrong. When we think of our definition of love, and then think that God is supposed to represent that, we come away with a very deficient view of God.

What we are often told by the minister, however, is that we can't define God by our view of love. Instead, we must put together everything that we know about God, and define love as that. God defines love, not vice versa. Love is characterized by God. Once we see it that way, we come away with a better understanding of what love is supposed to be.

In the same way, when I think about sin, I can't think about sin as the way that the world (or even the church) defines it. If I believe that Christ is the messiah, and I believe that the messiah was without sin, that I have to define sin as being anything that is apart from Christ--anything that Christ wouldn't do. And anything that Christ did, I have to view as not sinful.

Thinking about sin that way necessarily transforms how we think about it. The modern-day definition of sin is a series of "do's" and "don'ts" of "wills" and "won'ts." Basically, if I go throughout the day and serve as a "model citizen," avoid cussing, disturbing peace, getting drunk, looking lustfully at women, stealing, cheating, etc. then I have "avoided" sin for that day.

I don't think that God, however, views sin as such. I'm not convinced that He has a master set of rules and regulations, and puts a check mark next to every single "violation" that we have committed. I don't think it's as black and white as that.

Christ says to us that "whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother" (Matthew 12:50). In fact that is why Christ came to earth: "For I have not come down from Heaven to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me" (John 6:38). Not sinning, therefore, and being like Christ, is to do the will of God. Sinning is to do anything apart from that.

This, of course, leaves room for much in terms of "grey areas" of sin. It is as not cut and dry as sin is usually thought of and, in fact, as we humans like. We like lists. We like to know the 5 or 10 things we should or shouldn't do. And in fact, I don't think it's wrong to help out a new Christian by telling him the things that he should or shouldn't do. An immature Christian might not realize that certain things take him away from God or are against God's will and might have bad habits from his previous life that need to be stopped.

But as one becomes more mature in the walk, I believe there is more freedom allowed in the Christian life. Isn't that one of the reason Christ came? To free us from the law?

Paul himself makes reference to this in Romans.

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall. ~ Romans 14:13-21

We are called, therefore, to act and behave in a way that does God's will and helps others find out about Christ. This will be different for each of us. For some, drinking will be sinful as it causes one to fall away from the Lord or others to think less of the Christian--and thus less of God. For others, drinking will be completely acceptable and it is not outside of God's will to enjoy a glass of wine.

When we are able to view sin as not a series of lists, then, but a way of living that is apart from God, we are able to look again at the actions of Christ in a new light. And we are able to clearly see how they are not sinful, but instead are the actions of someone fulfilling God's will.

So why did Jesus seemingly disobey his parents and stay behind in a temple? The easy answer is because God wanted him to. Perhaps He saw it as a way to allow Jesus to learn more about Him. Perhaps He wanted Mary and Joseph to understand who Jesus belonged to--that He was a child of God, and not earthly parents. Maybe he wanted Jesus to be able to witness to the Pharisees in the temple. Maybe Jesus was going to catch a cold on the way to Nazareth if He left when His parents did. (OK, that last one was far-fetched, but you get what I mean.) The point was Jesus was so in tune with the will of His Father that God asked Jesus to stay back--and He did.

Now His parents didn't understand that, and the Bible tells us so. They were not as in tune with God, and maybe just didn't "get it." And that leads us to the most telling part of the incident. After Jesus realized that his parents truly didn't not understand what Jesus was doing, Jesus "went down to Nazareth and was obedient to them" (Luke 2:51)! After He saw that His actions did not, perhaps, have the desired affect on his parents--that they saw it as being disobedient when perhaps Jesus had hoped they would have a different reaction--He went back and did what He was told. In order to better serve His God, Jesus realized at that time that He had to serve His parents. They were not as mature in their faith as He would have hoped. And so Jesus obliged.

Most modern day twelve-year olds couldn't get away with what Jesus did. For most of them, to stay back while their parents were leaving would be dishonoring "thy father and mother." Most modern-day twelve year olds also are not the messiah. But there is a real-life application for this. As we grow older and more mature, there may be times when disobeying our parents is in the will of God for us. Perhaps our parents want us to be a certain profession, and we feel strongly that God is calling us in another direction. What are we to do in that case? Are we to wait until they "pass on" to pursue God's will for our life? I would hope not! Instead, in these instances, we might have to disobey our parents to follow God's will. That doesn't mean we have to dishonor them and go about God's will disrespectfully. But it does mean that God's will has to take precedence over theirs. Jesus, being God, was just able to learn that at a younger time in His life than most of us.

In the temple incident later in His life, Jesus knew that the way to reach the people who were defiling it by their merchandising--and make a stand for what is right--He had to react as He did. Being God, He knew that "civil disobedience" wasn't going to work in this instance. What these people were doing was abhorrent in the eyes of His father. And the way to have the maximum impact and, indeed, to do God's will, was to root out evil when and where He saw it.

In fact, I see these actions as proof that Jesus was the Son of God. God loathes the defiling of what is Holy. And if Jesus hadn't overturned these tables, God would have sent a storm that would have. Remember, the same God who wiped out Sodom and Gomorrah is the same God that was present in Christ. And where no one faults God for doing what He did in Sodom, no one should fault Jesus for detesting what the merchants were doing to the temple.

What does that mean, then? Is there room in the Christian life for anger, for behavior such as this? Normally, not. But I believe Jesus shows us that in the right circumstance that there is. Sometimes God calls His people to stand up in a dramatic way for what is right. There is room for name-calling (as Jesus did when he called the Pharisees hypocrites) and destruction, provided that it is done with the right intent, in the right frame of mind, with God's blessing, against such detestable acts as what was going on in the temple and in the hearts of the Pharisees.

Thus, I have now come to believe that to do God's will sometimes requires behavior that other people might not "approve" of--or that they even might find as "sinful"--provided that the Holy Spirit is calling us to do it.

But that comes with a huge warning. The discernment of knowing whether such a call is truly from the Holy Spirit is reserved for only the most mature of Christians. And under normal circumstances, no Christian should believe that they are being called to "sin." And, in fact, I think anything that the Bible clearly spells out as sins are always forbidden.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. ~ Galatians 5:19-21

I, and most people I know, could not do what Jesus did without committing a sin. The rest of the world has a standard by which Christians are supposed to behave, and I believe that it is our obligation as Christians to follow that standard. That is what we are called to do. After all, "It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall." To not uphold what the world thinks as acceptable Christian behavior causes others to stumble and therefore is sinful.

But I also believe that as we mature in our Christian walk we will come upon times with which there is no clear verse in the Bible as to what to do. There might come a point where we have to choose between honoring our parents and honoring God. Or we might be faced with such deplorable disrespect of God that turning the other cheek will do less for His Kingdom than calling out those people for their detestable behavior. In those times, no decision should be made without much prayer and study. And if after all of that we still come to the conclusion that God is calling us to take a particular step in one direction or another, we must be willing to follow God's will no matter what the cost.

It is His will that we do that. To do anything less would be a sin.

Found by You

by Across the Sky

I've been looking for some answers here
Searching harder for a new way there
I'm still walking all alone
And I don't think I'll make it home, but...
There is something that I know for sure

You brought me out here on my own
To find my way through things unknown
I know that I can't make it without You
When days are long and skies are grey
I'll walk with You, You lead the way
Some say that I am lost, but that's not true
'Cause really I am found by You

Things they seem a little clearer now (seem so clear)
Found the right direction here somehow (right direction here)
Fear is gone and trust is new
So, I don't care what others do
I will give up anything I have

You brought me out here on my own
To find my way through things unknown
I know that I can't make it without You
When days are long and skies are grey
I'll walk with You, You lead the way
Some say that I am lost, but that's not true
'Cause really I am found by You

Sometimes I can't feel (feel You near)
Is this life for real? I need to know
I'm running out of hope
I'm running out of time
I need You to remind me of Your love

You brought me out here on my own
To find my way through things unknown
I know that I can't make it without You
When days are long and skies are grey
I'll walk with You, You lead the way
Some say that I am lost, but that's not true
'Cause really I am found by You

-----
I think that sums it up pretty well. - cdw

The Jesus Movement

I haven't had much to do recently, and so I started searching the internet a bit. After looking up the history of butter and learning all there is to know about Guy Hawkes, I started looking at church websites, another hobby of mine. After going to the usual church sites I frequent (to read various church bulletins and what-not) I stumbled across Calvary Chapel's website and started to read about the late 1960's / early 1970's "Jesus Movement."

In case you don't know, the "Jesus Movement" was movement that started in Southern California and spread across the United States that was a bit of a "revival," reaching out to younger people in the hippie and drug culture that was starting to permeate Orange County. Led by Chuck Smith and then others, the couple-year movement gained national media attention and really was the start of the modern-day "megachurch."

In my brief study, I realized that the "Jesus Movement" was not without its flaws and flawed people, and that some of it bordered on the Pentecostal and Charismatic which I do not agree with. But it helped change the face of Christianity, and many of the generation of my parents came to Christ as the result of the direct or indirect infleunce of this movement.

That started me thinking about how my desire to desparately "Jesus Movement" in this generation. That led me to ask myself, "what would a Jesus Movement now look like?" The answer, at least from perspective, is very complex.

In the 1960's and 70's, counter-culture was all the rage. Young people were lashing out against the government, against their parents, against the so-called "establishment." All of these groups, they felt, had done nothing but lie to them. They had left them in a world that was in chaos, admist war and uncertainty. The ways of their parents had obviously failed, and they were seeking anything that would provide them with the truth.

The modern-day youth generation, however, is drastically different, at least in appearance, from that group of "lost" people. I can only speak from personal experience, but my generation doesn't hold the same grudge against our parents that others have. For the most part, we get along with them, admire and respect their accomplishments, and in many ways aspire to provide for our kids the same quality of life that our parents provided for us.

We, for the most part, are spoiled. Since day one, we have been given everything that we have ever wanted or could ask for. We have been raised in affluence and have embraced it. We dress in expensive clothes, drive expensive cars, and buy expensive things. We are a consumer society bent on always looking good and feeling good. We are pampered, constantly told how gifted we are, and afforded all of the luxuries we want. We abhor feeling left-out and outcast, and do whatever we can to "fit in" with society. We are used to "having it all" and work hard to maintain that.

What is the most surprising about my generation, I feel, is the fact that most of us have been raised with and have been accepting of a particular faith. Many of us have been raised in the church and born to believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and everything else. We have gone to church most Sundays for our entire life, and, in fact, remember those times fondly--if not even yearning for a return to those times.

We actually are a generation of believers. Although many leave the "church life" when we get to college, we still attend--often without fuss or fight--when we're back at home on a weekend. And we're not really that against going on a Sunday if a friend invites us. Many, still, even go to church on a semi-regular basis in college, it being an accepted start to the week. We attend Bible studies during the week, and keep the Bible as a book in our collection. And if someone mocks Christianity in a conversational setting, we often times come to its rescue, if only with a "hey, man, that's not very cool."

But our Christianity is not the one of old. We have adopted a new brand of Christianity that is best described as "consumer Christianity." It is Christianity via Madison Avenue rather than Jersalem. Christianity with a Prada purse--or with a Jack and Coke.

We champion--and know by heart--the promises of the Bible. The promises of salvation, of forgiveness from sins, of freedom from worry are all ones that we quote, well, religiously. Christianity is a convenient thing that "fits" into our lifestyle. For a generation that has been raised with schedules, with planned activity after planned activity, Christianity fits neatly on a Sunday morning, or, if we're super religious, a Wednesday night, too.

If anybody asks us, we're saved, no doubt. "But," and this is the key, "but we still have a long way to go."

My generation is a generation that wants it all, and we have constructed for ourselves a faith that grants us that. It is a faith of forgiveness without the repentance. It is, as one of my friends says tongue-and-cheek, a faith that prays "Forgive me, Father, for I will sin." Gone is the faith that requires a radical change in lifestyle, or giving it all and following Christ, and instead we have a faith that ensures us salvation while allowing us to carry out our own desires and ambitions.

And so we get drunk on a Saturday and appear in church on a Sunday. We engage in lewd acts of premarital sex on Friday night that we feel bad about Saturday morning. We promise to "change" and to "refocus" on what is important every Sunday night before the week starts--and then surround ourselves with--and even seek out--temptation on Thursday. And we bring a beer to the Wednesday night Bible study so we can get started on our partying early.

Mine is a generation that has lost its way without knowing it--and is in danger of never finding it again.

Now I need to say that by no means am I judging my generation as a generation that is unsaved. I do not and I have no right to question the salvation of anybody who says that they have received Christ as their savior. I believe firmly that if you "confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you shall be saved" (Romans 10:9). And I always take people at face value--and if they said that they have received Christ, then I have no reason to doubt that they have.

But I cannot imagine that the lives that many out of my generation are living is the life that Jesus intended. I cannot believe that this is what he had in mind when he said "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24). And thus my generation desparately needs its own "Jesus Movement."

But again, what would that look like?

I believe, like any revival movement, that the new "Jesus Movement" would start with a revival of the heart. I think many have turned away from the Christianity that Jesus has in mind because we never truly have witnessed what that's like. We have received everything that we ever wanted from our parents. We have never been in want. And as long as we're able to keep on feeding our desires with the latest and greatest, we never even get a chance to realize that the one thing we really are missing, that which will truly satisfy us, is Christ and Christ alone. Having never been in want, we don't know how needy we really are, and any of the "holes" we really do have, we cram our own customized faith in there to give our life meaning--cramming Christ in the corners, if you will. We fool ourselves, therefore, into thinking that we are truly "Purpose Driven"--without ever being "Spirit Led." And the first cannot occur without the second.

A "Jesus Movement," then would have to be different from those in the past. It wouldn't take the form of traditional evangelistic meetings, with an "altar call" at the end of the meeting. My generation won't respond to that--we've already all done that. It would have to begin in the Church, but a radically changed church. Sermons today are too easy for the current "consumer" Christian to attend church without being changed. They are focused on feel-good "universal" messages that anyone can relate to. "Want to have a better marriage? Well, be nicer to your wife. Spend time with her. If you're a Christian, that's a plus. But no matter what, do these five things and stuff will be better."

Instead, churches would need to refocus on Christ. On who He is, on what He did, and what He still does for one's life. It would have to realistically deal with the struggles of a Christian life, Christ's suffering, and our suffering as a result of being a Christian. And it would have to deal with the hard sayings of Christianity--the ones we tend to gloss over in the modern day faith, such as denying oneself, taking up the cross, and deciding to leave everything behind to follow Christ. Church would have to be reformed and resist becoming the comfortable houses of affirmation that they currently are. Sin will need to be discussed frankly and truthfully, and the punishment of sin openly and honestly.

In the end, Church will have to refocus on what its aim should be all along--to form true disciples of Christ rather than passive observers of His ministry.

This will ultimately require the modern-day Christian to make a choice every Sunday--am I serving Christ or am I persecuting Him? Am I hammering home His truths in my life--or am I hammering another nail into the cross? In other words, am I cultivating a deeper relationship with him?

One thing I know about my generation is that it is one of fitting in. And if the most influential of my generation start truly giving their lives to the Lord, then this whole revival will spread like wildfire. If the trendsetters of an organization start setting a trend for Christ, a whole organization will be transformed. And if people are truly turned on to the power of the transformation of Jesus, there is no stopping where it will lead.

My generation is a gifted one, one that God has blessed with many talents. All we need is a spark to get started. Let us start reforming our churches, refocusing our ministries, and repurposing our message to glorify the One who is owed all the glory. Let us all make our decision for Christ, first, and cause others to rethink theirs. Let us be the salt of the earth and the light of the world.

Let us move for Jesus--and let the Jesus Movement begin.