It's All About Jesus

For whatever reason on Sunday my bus stopped well before it usually does and the driver informed us that it was going to go no further. And so everyone had to exit, and my trip to church got a heck of a lot longer.

As I journeyed on to my church, I had to walk through less "desirable" parts of San Francisco. Not bad, mind you, or dangerous, just parts of the city you wouldn't normally find someone like myself in. Homelessness is a problem in San Francisco, just like any other city, but seems to be more rampant here than I encountered when I lived in Los Angeles. And those homeless people here appear to be more helpless in their situation than those I ran into in LA.

Walking along these streets to church, it hit me the kind of life that I am signing up for as a Pastor. The majority of my church experience up until my move here has been in fairly affluent circles. EV Free may not be a "rich" church, but it is a well-off church, and a church that has over five thousand members. Friends, another church I went to in Orange County, is soon moving into a new 2500 seat building. Saddleback, which I also attend frequently, accepted pledges of over $50,000,000 in one weekend to build onto its already sprawling 150+ acre campus. And Bel Air, where I went to church while at USC, had among its regular attenders Ronald Reagan, Tori Spelling and Britney Spears.

Needless to say, my view of church has been warped, and it wasn't until living here that I realized how far out of the norm that was.

Most churches are struggling. They don't exist in wealthy neighborhoods, and don't boast memberships well into the thousands. The church I go to in SF I would consider a relatively healthy one--and it has 400 people on a Sunday at most. Most churches don't have the reach or the influence as the ones I am accostomed to. Not everyone has heard of it. And the Pastors don't write books or have TV or radio ministries. Instead, they have their hands full managing a struggling congregation.

It hit me as I made this walk that if I am going to become a Pastor, I cannot do it out of selfish reasons. I admit that I was initially drawn to the role because of my love of public speaking--and, indeed, a tool I believe God used to initially draw me. But being a Pastor is so much more than that, and that is never to be a reason why someone becomes one.

Instead, I must realize that the only reason to be a Pastor is because of a love for Christ. It's all about Jesus. If I am to become one of the ones that He chooses to lead a church, it is only because I want to follow Christ, and sacrifice everything I have for Him. That is the only thing that will sustain me through difficult times, when things aren't going the way I expect them and when I'm down. I may never have a ministry that means anything outside the walls of a small town, but I must learn to be satisfied that I am making an impact for Christ. If I am to become a Pastor, I must realize that God may even choose to ask me to sacrifice my love for public speaking--that for whatever reason, I might never ever preach a sermon the rest of my life--but that is to not hinder my desire to still follow Him and His will.

I have to be honest--that is a scary thought. For a person like me, who is used to accolades and achievement, and is able to, on my own, get quite a bit accomplished, for me to say that I am willing to sacrifice all of that for the name of Jesus, to surrender complete control of my ambitions and my desires for His will, to deny myself and follow Him, well...can I do it? Am I ready to do it? Is my love for Christ that strong?

I don't know. And I don't have the answers right now. But I'm searching. I'm always searching. And I won't give up until I find the truth.